Glossary BDSM
Collars
Also called · collaring · day collar · play collar
At a glance
- In one line
- A band worn round the neck to mark a submissive role or a relationship between two people.
- Usually looks like
- A buckled leather collar for one scene, or a discreet chain nobody else reads as anything.
- Gear needed
- Yes: a fitted collar with a buckle or quick release. A soft scarf or a bracelet works as a stand-in.
- Talk about first
- What it means, who puts it on and takes it off, and whether it is worn outside the bedroom.
A collar is a band worn around the neck to mark a submissive role or a relationship, ranging from a padded leather collar buckled on for a single scene to a discreet chain or bracelet worn every day that nobody else reads as anything. Some lock, some carry a ring for a lead, and some are ordinary jewelry that only the two people involved can interpret.
The main disagreement is about weight of meaning. In some circles collaring is a formal step comparable to an engagement, marked by a ritual and not undone lightly; elsewhere a collar is simply gear from a drawer with no commitment implied. Other variables are who puts it on and takes it off, whether it stays on outside the bedroom, and design, since posture collars deliberately restrict head movement.
People rate this high for the symbolism, for the constant physical reminder of light pressure at the throat, or for the act of fastening one on someone else. Low scores often reflect discomfort with anything worn around the neck, unwillingness to carry a visible marker outside private settings, or a sense that the ownership framing implies more permanence than they want.
What a score means here Collars
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0
Hard no: nothing round the neck, either because of the meaning or the sensation itself.
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1–33
1–33: fine as an occasional prop, but it carries no particular weight for you.
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34–66
34–66: you like wearing or fastening one during play, and want it off afterwards.
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67–99
67–99: the collar means something specific, and putting it on marks the start of the dynamic.
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100
100: wearing or holding a collar is the centre of it, including a day collar worn constantly.
Rating it
A low score means a worn marker of role or belonging does not appeal, or that pressure at the throat is unwelcome; a high score means you want that symbolism made physical, in either direction.
Common misconceptions
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A collar is just a sex toy from a drawer.
In practiceIn some circles collaring is a formal step comparable to an engagement, marked by a ritual and not undone lightly. Elsewhere it carries no commitment at all. Ask which version a partner means before accepting one.
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A collar is a handle for pulling someone around.
In practiceForce applied to a neck collar lands on the throat and cervical spine. A lead should be clipped to a chest harness or used to guide, and anything that can tighten is not a collar.
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A day collar has to look like BDSM gear.
In practiceMost do not. A plain chain, a locking bracelet, or an ankle chain reads as ordinary jewellery to everyone except the two people who know what it is, which is the point of the format.
Worth knowing
Nothing that can tighten should ever be used as a collar, and a collar is not a handle, since pulling on one puts force straight onto the throat. Do not sleep in a locked collar, and keep a key or quick-release fastening within reach.
About this item Frequently asked
Collars — questions people ask
what does wearing a collar mean in bdsm
A collar marks a submissive role or a specific relationship, and the meaning is set by the people involved rather than by the object. It ranges from a padded leather collar buckled on for one scene to a discreet chain worn every day in public. Some are locked, some carry a ring for a lead, some are ordinary jewellery. The one consistent thread is that being collared is something granted and accepted, not something you decide about someone else.
whats the difference between a play collar and a day collar
A play collar is gear worn for a scene; a day collar is worn continuously and usually looks like nothing in particular. Play collars are wide leather or neoprene, buckle on, often carry a D-ring, and come off when the scene ends. Day collars are chains, plain bands, or locking bracelets chosen so that colleagues and family read them as jewellery. The difference in meaning is usually larger than the difference in hardware, since a day collar implies something ongoing.
how do i choose a collar that is safe to wear
Choose one with a buckle or a quick release, wide enough to spread pressure, and sized so two fingers fit between the collar and your neck. Avoid anything that can tighten — no slip chains, no choke-style loops, nothing with a sliding closure — because those tighten further under any pull and cannot be loosened quickly. Do not sleep in a locked collar, keep the key in the room rather than elsewhere in the house, and take it off for redness, chafing, or any pressure you notice on the front of the throat.
is a collar the same as being on a leash
No. A collar is a marker that can be worn with nobody holding anything; a leash is a lead clipped to it so someone can guide or restrict where you go. Many people want the collar and not the lead, since the leash adds a visible power display and, in public settings, an audience. They are separate items on this list for that reason, and a high score on one says nothing about the other.
how should i score collars if i like the idea but not the object
Score the version you would actually want to wear. On the 0–100 scale, 0 is a hard limit — nothing round the neck at all, whether because of the sensation or the meaning. If the symbolism appeals but leather gear does not, a day collar or a locking bracelet is the same item in a different form, and that belongs somewhere in the middle or higher. If the object appeals but the commitment does not, score it moderately and say so to a partner, because the mismatch there is about meaning rather than hardware.
Appears on
This item appears on the BDSM test — one vial each.