Glossary Basics · Sapphic · MM
Dirty talk
Also called · talking dirty · verbal play
At a glance
- In one line
- Sexual language during sex - describing, instructing, praising, or narrating out loud.
- Usually looks like
- A few words in the moment, or running commentary; whispered, ordered, or asked for.
- Gear needed
- None. Volume is the real constraint - thin walls and housemates shape what is possible.
- Talk about first
- Names and words that are off limits, degrading language, and who does the talking.
Dirty talk is speech used deliberately as part of sex: describing what you are doing or want to do, giving instructions, using explicit words for bodies and acts, or narrating a scenario out loud. It can be a whisper of two or three words or a running commentary, and it happens before, during, and after, including by phone.
The registers people prefer are genuinely different from one another. Praise and appreciation, blunt crude language, commands and direction, begging, and mild insults or name-calling all fall under the same heading but appeal to very different tastes. Volume matters, as does who does the talking, since plenty of people want to hear it without wanting to produce it themselves.
Self-consciousness is the usual reason for a low score. Saying explicit things out loud in your own voice can feel more exposing than the acts being described, and lines that work in porn often sound absurd in a quiet bedroom. People who rate it high tend to value the mental and verbal side of sex as much as the physical.
What a score means here Dirty talk
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0
Hard no: talking during sex is unwanted in both directions; silence is not a shortfall.
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1–33
1-33: a few words are fine, but sustained talk breaks concentration more than it adds.
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34–66
34-66: welcome while it stays descriptive or complimentary; harsher or degrading language less so.
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67–99
67-99: language is part of how sex works, and a silent session feels like something is missing.
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100
100: the talking carries the encounter; words alone can do more than touch does.
Rating it
A low score usually means talking during sex feels awkward or distracting rather than arousing; a high score means language is part of how sex works for you, whether you are speaking, listening, or both.
Common misconceptions
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Dirty talk means degrading names.
In practiceMost of it is plain description and instruction - saying what is happening, what comes next, what feels good. Degradation is one narrow branch, and the words that are off limits are worth naming before rather than discovering mid-scene.
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Either you are good at it or you are not.
In practiceThe reliable starting point is narrating what is already happening and asking direct questions. Improvised scenarios and filthy vocabulary are the hard version, not the entry point.
Worth knowing
Words and names that are off limits are worth naming in advance, since the same phrase can land as playful for one person and genuinely unpleasant for another.
About this item Frequently asked
Dirty talk — questions people ask
What counts as dirty talk?
Dirty talk is any spoken sexual language used during or around sex. It covers four broad modes: describing what is happening, instructing or asking, praising, and narrating a scenario that is not happening. Volume ranges from a handful of words to continuous commentary. It overlaps with commands in a dominance dynamic and with degradation play, but neither is required - a great deal of what people call talking dirty is straightforward description delivered in a lower voice than usual.
How do you start talking dirty when it feels awkward?
Start by narrating what is already happening, out loud. Invented scenarios and explicit vocabulary are the advanced version; saying what is being done and what is wanted next works from a standing start. Questions are easier than statements for most people, because they hand the next line to the other person. Two practical points: settle which names and words are off limits beforehand, since a phrase that is playful to one person is genuinely unpleasant to another, and check the volume against the walls if there are housemates.
What is the difference between dirty talk and sexting?
Sexting is written and can be asynchronous; dirty talk is spoken and live. The written form allows editing, rereading, and building over hours, which suits people who freeze when improvising aloud. Speaking has tone, pace, and breath doing half the work, with no chance to redraft. Wanting one does not predict wanting the other - plenty of confident sexters go quiet in person, and plenty of people who talk freely in bed find typing it out flat and effortful. Separate scores are more useful than one combined number.
What if my partner does not respond to dirty talk?
A flat response usually signals a mismatch of register rather than rejection of the whole idea. Common causes are degrading language arriving with no warning, a persona that reads as performance, or being expected to reply when listening is preferred. Splitting the roles helps: one person talks, the other does not have to. If it is not wanted at all, that is a straightforward preference and not a problem to fix - silence during sex is not a deficit, and pushing after a clear no converts a preference into a grievance.
How do I rate dirty talk if I like hearing it but not saying it?
Score what you want to happen, not what you can put up with. On the 0-100 scale, 0 is a hard no: being spoken to that way during sex is off the table. From 1 upward it is degrees of wanting, with the middle typically meaning descriptive and complimentary talk is welcome while harsher or degrading language is not. The number cannot carry direction, so it is worth noting whether the interest is in speaking, in being spoken to, or both, plus any words that stay off limits at any score.
Appears on
This item appears on the Basics and Sapphic and MM tests — one vial each.