Glossary Basics · BDSM · Sapphic · MM
Spanking
Also called · impact play · paddling
At a glance
- In one line
- Striking the buttocks by hand or implement, by agreement, in either role.
- Usually looks like
- Over a lap or bent over the bed, hand first, building from light over minutes.
- Gear needed
- None. A hand is standard; paddles and belts change the sting and the bruising.
- Talk about first
- Which role, how hard, a stop word, and whether marks are acceptable.
Spanking is striking a partner's buttocks with an open hand or an implement such as a paddle, hairbrush, or belt. It ranges from a few light slaps folded into otherwise ordinary sex to extended sessions with build-up, counting, and marks that last for days. Sound, anticipation between strikes, and the warmth that spreads afterward are as much a part of it as the impact.
Intensity is the main variable, and warm-up is what makes higher intensity workable, since the same force that stings unbearably cold feels good once the skin is warm. Other variables are hand versus implement, the rhythm and pauses, whether marks are wanted, and how much verbal framing is involved. Roles matter too, and wanting to give and wanting to receive are separate preferences.
People rate this high for the sensation itself, for the dynamic it creates, or both. Lower ratings often come from disliking pain, from associations with actual punishment, or from finding the giving side uncomfortable rather than appealing. A middling score frequently means a few light slaps are welcome but nothing beyond that.
What a score means here Spanking
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0
Hard no: being hit is not something you want, and neither is hitting a partner.
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1–33
1-33: a light slap in passing is fine, but anything sustained or stinging is not.
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34–66
34-66: wanted at moderate intensity with a hand, stopping well short of marks.
-
67–99
67-99: a deliberate part of sex worth real time, implements and marks included.
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100
100: the impact is what the session is for, and everything else arranges around it.
Rating it
A low score means impact is not a sensation you want, in either role; a high score means you want it as a deliberate part of sex, and specifying intensity and role matters more here than a number alone conveys.
Common misconceptions
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Spanking is just hitting someone.
In practiceThe agreed version has a stop word, a build from light to harder, and a limited target area. Those three things are what separate it from being hit, and dropping any of them is what makes it go wrong.
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A red mark means it went too far.
In practiceRedness is blood flow and usually fades within the hour. Bruising, broken skin, and pain that is still there the next day are the signs of too hard, not colour on the skin during.
Worth knowing
Keep strikes on the fleshy part of the buttocks and away from the tailbone, lower back, and kidneys, build up gradually rather than starting hard, and agree a stop word before you begin.
About this item Frequently asked
Spanking — questions people ask
What is spanking, and what does impact play mean?
Spanking means striking the buttocks by hand or with an implement by prior agreement, and it is the entry point of what is broadly called impact play. Paddling refers to using a flat implement, which produces a duller, deeper sensation than a hand does. Sessions typically build from light to harder over several minutes rather than starting at intensity. Both roles sit inside this one item, and wanting to give and wanting to receive are separate preferences that frequently do not match.
How do you start spanking without overdoing it?
Build from light and stay in one area until the skin warms. Starting hard is the standard error, because sensation changes as blood flow increases - what feels sharp at the start becomes tolerable and then wanted a few minutes in. A hand gives the most feedback and is the sensible first implement, since it stings the giver too and that is useful information. Pausing to rub the area between strikes changes the whole experience. Agree a stop word beforehand rather than relying on reading a reaction.
Where is it safe to spank someone, and where is not?
Keep strikes on the fleshy part of the buttocks and upper thighs, and away from the tailbone, the lower back, and the kidney area just below the ribs, where impact can cause genuine internal injury. Build gradually rather than starting hard, agree a stop word, and check in during rather than only afterwards. Canes and belts break skin far more easily than a hand or a padded paddle, so they belong later rather than first. Bruising, broken skin, or pain the next day means it went too far.
What is the difference between spanking and hair pulling?
Spanking is impact; hair pulling is leverage and position. A spank is a discrete sensation delivered to one area, and it can be built up, paused, and resumed. Hair pulling is continuous, controls where the head goes, and works largely through the dynamic of being moved rather than through pain. People who want one often do not want the other, and the injury risks differ entirely - bruising in the wrong area versus strain on the neck. Separate numbers make both legible.
How hard should I score spanking?
Score both roles together if they match, and split them in a note if they do not, since giving and receiving impact are quite different preferences. On the 0-100 scale, 0 is a hard no - being hit and hitting a partner are equally excluded. Low scores usually mean a light slap in passing is fine while anything sustained is not; the middle means moderate hand spanking stopping short of marks; high scores mean implements and real time given to it. Intensity does not fit inside one number, so a stated maximum belongs next to it.
Appears on
This item appears on the Basics and BDSM and Sapphic and MM tests — one vial each.