Glossary Basics · Sapphic · MM
Mutual masturbation
Also called · jerking off together · touching yourselves together
At a glance
- In one line
- Both people touching themselves at the same time, watching and being watched.
- Usually looks like
- Side by side, facing each other, or on video call; often both people finish.
- Gear needed
- None needed. Lubricant and a towel are what people reach for; toys are optional.
- Talk about first
- Watching versus being watched, video calls and recording, and whether hands stay on yourself.
Mutual masturbation covers two related things: masturbating alongside a partner while each of you handles your own body, and touching each other's genitals at the same time. Both involve being watched and watching, and both can be a complete sexual encounter rather than a warm-up. It also works over video call, which is one reason it features in long-distance relationships.
The variables are how much watching is involved, whether there is eye contact or talking, and whether the goal is finishing at the same time. It is also unusually informative: seeing exactly how someone touches themselves tells a partner more about pressure, pace, and rhythm than most conversations do, and some people rate it high specifically for that.
Being observed doing something usually private is the sticking point. People who masturbate happily alone sometimes find that an audience makes finishing impossible, and performing rather than simply doing changes the experience entirely. Others find it lower-pressure than partnered sex, because nobody is responsible for anyone else's orgasm and each person can do exactly what works for them.
What a score means here Mutual masturbation
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0
Hard no: touching yourself in front of someone is not on, in either direction.
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1–33
1-33: workable as a stopgap when other things are off the table, not something chosen.
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34–66
34-66: good occasionally, usually as a build-up rather than how a session ends.
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67–99
67-99: a real activity you want in rotation, the watching included, not a fallback.
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100
100: the watching is the whole point and can replace partnered sex entirely on the night.
Rating it
A low score often means being watched while touching yourself is uncomfortable rather than arousing; a high score means the watching and being watched is the appeal, not a substitute for something else.
Common misconceptions
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Mutual masturbation is what you do when you cannot have sex.
In practiceFor a lot of people it is the most reliable route to orgasm, since nobody has to guess at pressure or rhythm. It also shows a partner exactly what works, which is hard to convey any other way.
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Being watched means you have to put on a show.
In practiceThe usual reported difficulty is self-consciousness, and it drops sharply with the lights down, eyes closed, or lying alongside rather than facing. Nothing about it requires performance.
About this item Frequently asked
Mutual masturbation — questions people ask
What is mutual masturbation?
Mutual masturbation means both people touching themselves at the same time, in each other's presence. The defining feature is that each person handles their own body, which is what separates it from a handjob or fingering where the work is done to someone else. It happens side by side, facing each other, or over a video call, and often runs until both people finish. Some couples use it as a build-up before other things; others treat it as a complete activity that stands on its own.
How do you do it the first time without feeling self-conscious?
Position removes most of the awkwardness. Lying alongside facing the same direction, or with the lights low, takes the performance element out for anyone who finds direct observation difficult, and closing your eyes does not end anything. Going first is harder than going second, so starting together helps. The other common obstacle is technique differing from what a partner expected - that is information rather than an embarrassment, and watching how someone actually does it is one of the more useful things about the activity.
What is the difference between mutual masturbation and fingering or a handjob?
The difference is whose hand does the work. Fingering or a handjob means one person touching the other, with all the guesswork about pressure and rhythm that involves. Mutual masturbation means each person handling themselves, so the technique is right by default and the appeal shifts to watching and being watched. Someone can rate the receiving-side items high and this one low, because being observed is the variable here rather than the sensation. The two also combine, with one person watching while the other is touched.
Does mutual masturbation work over video call?
It works over video call and is the standard long-distance version, with two things worth settling first. One is recording: screen recording is silent and undetectable on both sides, so an explicit agreement that neither person records is the only real control. The other is platform and background - work accounts, shared devices, and identifiable rooms create the same exposure as any explicit image. A lamp behind the phone rather than behind you makes a visible difference, and headphones matter if there are housemates.
How should I score mutual masturbation?
The score turns on whether being watched appeals or unsettles. On the 0-100 scale, 0 is a hard no - touching yourself in front of a partner is not something to include. Low scores usually mean it functions as a fallback when other options are closed; mid scores mean it is welcome occasionally, often as a build-up; high scores mean the watching itself is the draw and the activity stands alone. Since the scale is continuous, the number is worth pairing with a note about which side, watching or being watched, is the part that appeals.
Appears on
This item appears on the Basics and Sapphic and MM tests — one vial each.