Glossary BDSM
Name calling
Also called · degrading names · praise words · pet names
At a glance
- In one line
- Being addressed by specific charged words during sex — degrading, praising, formal, or role-based.
- Usually looks like
- Good girl, good boy, sir, ma'am, a pet name, or a degrading word repeated at key moments.
- Gear needed
- None. What matters is an agreed vocabulary list, decided before rather than improvised.
- Talk about first
- Which exact words, which are banned, and whether gendered terms are welcome.
Name calling means being addressed by specific charged words during sex, whether degrading ones, praise terms such as good girl or good boy, formal address like sir or ma'am, or a name attached to a role. It differs from humiliation in intent, since much of it functions as affection or as a marker of the dynamic rather than as an attack.
The disagreement is almost entirely about which words. Praise and degradation are opposite ends of the same item, and plenty of people want one and refuse the other outright. Gendered words land differently depending on how someone relates to their own gender, and some terms are reclaimed by the person being called them while remaining off limits from anyone else. Frequency counts too, since a word used once holds weight that the same word repeated loses.
High scores come from a single word being able to establish a whole dynamic with no equipment, setup, or scene structure required. Low scores come from being labeled feeling absurd or from the available vocabulary not fitting. A middling score usually means a few specific words yes and most no, which a number cannot express, so writing the list down is more useful than the rating.
What a score means here Name calling
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0
Hard no: charged forms of address are not something you want to say or hear.
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1–33
1–33: an occasional pet name is fine; anything stronger takes you out of it.
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34–66
34–66: praise words or a form of address work well and add something real.
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67–99
67–99: the vocabulary is a deliberate part of the dynamic and you want it used consistently.
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100
100: the words are what you are there for, and their absence flattens the whole thing.
Rating it
A low score means being called things, or calling a partner things, does not add anything for you; a high score means the right words are a real part of what you want rather than background noise.
Common misconceptions
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Name calling is a mild form of humiliation.
In practiceMuch of it functions as affection or as a marker of the dynamic rather than as an attack. Praise terms and degrading ones are opposite ends of the same item, and plenty of people want one and refuse the other outright.
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Good girl and good boy are neutral.
In practiceGendered words land according to how someone relates to their own gender, and the same phrase can be the best part of a scene for one person and the thing that ends it for another. Ask rather than assume.
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In a scene, no word is off limits.
In practiceSlurs tied to race, ethnicity, or sexuality carry weight well outside the scene and are a firm limit for many people. Agreeing an explicit vocabulary in advance is standard practice, not squeamishness.
Worth knowing
Agree the actual vocabulary in advance rather than improvising, and state hard limits explicitly, since slurs tied to race, ethnicity, or sexuality carry weight well outside the scene and are a firm limit for many people. A safe word stops things regardless of how well the scene seems to be going.
About this item Frequently asked
Name calling — questions people ask
what does name calling mean in bdsm
Name calling means being addressed by specific charged words during sex: degrading terms, praise terms such as good girl or good boy, formal address like sir or ma'am, or a name attached to a role. It differs from humiliation in intent, since much of it works as affection or as a marker of the dynamic rather than as an attack. The disagreement between people is almost entirely about which words, not about whether words are used at all.
how do you agree on words before a scene
Write the actual words down rather than describing categories, because agreeing to degrading language in the abstract tells a partner nothing about which specific term will land. Three lists work well: words you want, words you can take, words that are out. Include forms of address and gendered terms explicitly, since those are the ones most often assumed. Add that any word can move to the out list afterwards without explanation. A safe word still ends the scene regardless of how well the vocabulary was chosen.
whats the difference between name calling and verbal humiliation
Name calling is the vocabulary; verbal humiliation is a scene built out of degradation. A word used at a peak moment is punctuation, and it can be affectionate — good girl and good boy are name calling with no humiliation in them at all. Humiliation is sustained, constructs a position for the person receiving it, and is aimed at making them feel small. Wanting praise words while refusing degradation entirely is one of the most common combinations on any list.
is it normal to like being called good girl but not anything degrading
It is one of the most common patterns there is, and the two sit at opposite ends of this item rather than on a scale of intensity. Praise terms work through approval and attention; degrading terms work through the opposite. Someone who wants one and refuses the other is describing a coherent preference, not a partial one. The practical implication is to state which end you mean when you rate this, because a bare high score tells a partner almost nothing about which words to use.
how many points should i give name calling
Score how much the vocabulary matters to you, whichever end of it you want. On the 0–100 scale, 0 is a hard limit — charged forms of address are not something you want said to you or by you. Low scores fit an occasional pet name. Middle scores fit praise words or a form of address that adds something real. High scores fit wanting the vocabulary used consistently as part of the dynamic. Attach the actual word list to the score, since that is the part a partner can act on.
Appears on
This item appears on the BDSM test — one vial each.